Is it worth the pain of trying to learn to feel?
Yes! Yes! Yes! But it costs.
Some women hate men to change. Our uncertainty can be unsettling for a woman who has known for years how to read us (and, it feels to us perhaps, has sometimes used that to her advantage). Suddenly we are a source of discomfort!
We are also a threat to men. Men who feel, and who are honest, begin to discover a new call on their lives by things like justice and integrity. This is not to say these things have been absent... far from it. But they speak strongly to us through our feelings. Beginning to feel opens a new channel that justice issues can reach us through. Issues of fairness at work, integrity in business, how we relate to children and partners all clamour for reassessment.
This discomfort with the new us is not restricted to other men and women. It is internal. Issues like the ones above become a profound challenge to ourselves. Depression can visit us. Spirituality and meaning often become new issues.
Is beginning to feel an invitation to turmoil? I have found it so. But it is also a major reason I still am able to live with my partner. I begin to understand her a little. I am less thrown by her strange language of feeling. I think I am less of a pain to her... and in the end... to me.
And there is a certain glory in being able to feel. The world is a far richer place- often more painful- but always richer.
July 1 2001
Would you like to comment?
Click to add feedback